Bloomberg: UK and Italy Reject Purported Bin Laden Tape's Truce Offer

Update: Bin Laden Counteroffers: No attacks on Tuesdays and free meal tickets at Arby’s.

Paris—al-Jazeera has now broadcast two successive tapes ascribed to al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden. While the first tape included an open truce offer toward European countries that “do not attack Muslim countries”, the second tape promises, among other things, no “attacks on Tuesdays”, no “Attack-backs” and free meal Tickets to Arby’s restaurants where available. Analysts assume that this second offer has been elicited in response overwhelming European rejection of the first truce offer. “We are holding out for something better,” stated French Prime Minister Jacques Chirac, “Donald Trump is backing us on this… we’re big fans of The Apprentice.” European leaders expect that a third offer is in the works, possibly involving publishing rights to a Waldo-style “Where’s Osama?” book series and access to Bin Laden’s popular WMD-starter set.

In related news, the CIA is still conducting analysis of this second tape. CIA insiders have stated “We are not sure yet whether is second message really comes from Bin Laden but it sounds awesome when you push his voice through our Barney the Dinosaur filter.”

- posted by JB @ 2:12 PM